dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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