if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
