i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize