Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
