After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
