Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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