We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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