As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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