idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
