I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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