I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
