i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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