OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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