bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
