He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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