you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize