all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
