My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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