At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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