It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
