"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
