had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
