if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize