I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
