Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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