She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
