my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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