3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
