Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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