two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I could fuck to npr.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
