it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
