I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My feet surprised me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
