broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
