I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
