my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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