also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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