Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
