He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
