we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
