I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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