my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
