can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize