Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
