ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
