well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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