i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
