Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
