I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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