I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
