somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
