I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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