We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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