i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry my hands just texted you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
