this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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