How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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