Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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