I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
