I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
