hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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