there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
