well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
