It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
