he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
