My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need a beard to bite.
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