is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
