1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize