I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
