so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
