My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
