I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
