Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
