Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
