it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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