Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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