I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
